Lines: Blending
by Marianne H. Stillie
Summary: Will Ronon's confrontation with his tragic past on Sateda destroy his relationship with Elizabeth or solidify it?


Title: Lines: Blending

Author: Marianne H. Stillie

Categories: Hurt/Comfort Episode Tag for Sateda

Rating: T

Pairing: Ronon and Elizabeth

Series: The Lines Series 2

Season: Season 3

Sequel To: Lines: Reconciling

Summary: Will Ronon's confrontation with his tragic past on Sateda destroy his relationship with Elizabeth or solidify it?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places for Stargate Atlantis are the property of MGM Worldwide Television Distribution, Sony Pictures Television and Acme Shark Cooper/Wright Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks are intended. Previously unrecognized characters, places and this story are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Archive: Please do not archive anywhere without the author's permission.

Copyright (c) 2006 Marianne H. Stillie

Author's Note: The significance of the western tower is explained in the Season 2 story "Lines: Weakening". The references to Elizabeth and Ronon being mates come from my standalone story "Pawns". The sharpening stone reference comes from my Atlantis 'Time' story "Home".

XxX

Lines: Blending

The words in the report on her computer screen had become a huge out-of-focus jumble to Elizabeth. The next thing she knew her eyes were closed, her head lying crookedly on her folded arms. She startled awake and looked out onto the walkway, hoping no one had seen her lapse.

She desperately needed to get to bed and sleep for hours, to make up for all the rest she'd lost these past several days. She also needed to have a good cry. But neither one was possible right now.

After all the tears she'd shed in recent months, Elizabeth couldn't believe the wave of sadness that engulfed her. Underneath the sadness was a pulse of confused anger. What made her emotional turmoil so difficult to process was that all of it was being caused by the one person in Atlantis she loved more than anyone.

Again she went over the events since this whole nightmare had started, trying to pinpoint what she had missed that would explain her mate's extreme behavior. The parts where Ronon had been recaptured by the Wraith, sent to his devastated home world to fight for his life then rescued by his teammates and Carson Beckett were easy.

The physical damage she'd seen on Ronon's body when they brought him back from Sateda was superficial to what Carson had reported to her after the doctor had done a thorough examination. What the Wraith had done to him this time was far worse than the bullet wound she had inflicted when she'd been possessed by an alien entity.

Carson had kept him under heavy sedation for four days while pumping him full of antibiotics. The facial bruises and surface wounds, on his back from the new tracking device and his leg from shrapnel, were simple to treat. The sedation was needed to keep him still. Several broken ribs, including one that had just missed a lung, needed time to mend. The trauma to major organs and his spine from the final beating he'd taken was also of deep concern. Elizabeth didn't need John and Teyla's narrative of the events to understand how severely he'd been hurt this time.

She'd been at his bedside constantly, day and night. Even in the deep sedation, Ronon's sleep was tortured and pain-wracked. His wild-eyed confusion when he had occasionally drifted back to consciousness and saw her eased only when she gripped his hand tightly and spoke to him lovingly. She couldn't help wondering what memories this new fight for survival against the Wraith had reawakened in him.

On the fifth day, Carson had weaned Ronon off the sedation so that he was awake and able to communicate. He did very little talking at first, simply watching and listening to his teammates chatter about the most mundane subjects they could think of, even to the point of joking about their little misadventure. Only when she was in the room, either with the others or alone with him, was Ronon's silence total.

His coldness and complete withdrawal from her while he'd been in the infirmary had come as a shock. The physical avoidance game he had been playing with her since he'd been released, even to sleeping alone in his locked room, suddenly struck her as ludicrous. Her timid, fearful response was just as bad and so unlike her. Ronon was her lover and her mate. If they could no longer be there for each other, something was terribly wrong. What frightened her the most was that she had no idea what it could be.

Noting the time of day, she instinctively knew where his ordeal would have led him. She forced her exhausted body out of the chair and headed for the transporter.

XxX

Sitting against the hard wall of the western tower, Ronon's eyes followed the shafts of dying sunlight falling into the ocean. For just an instant, he felt the deep peace and happiness this beautiful place had brought him. The pain in his back from the latest invasion of his body by a Wraith tracking device was nothing now. The dull throbbing in his drawn-up leg and throughout his body from what he'd been put through on Sateda was just part of the aftermath to his fight with the Wraiths who had come after him that day. Beckett's medicines and his own strong ability to heal had overcome the extensive injuries.

As quickly as they came, the good feelings were rushed away by the cold ocean wind that surrounded him, and he shivered. In their place, a renewed agony began growing in every cell and nerve ending, fueled by the still vivid past visions he had been forced to relive. He had felt it begin to overpower the physical here and now as soon as he'd regained consciousness in the infirmary. He remembered the tormented dreams, even through the drugs. He also remembered seeing Elizabeth's face beyond the induced haze and hearing her loving voice. The touch of her hand along with her sweet words had brought him brief respites from the dreams. Knowing he wasn't alone this time had helped in his body's struggle to heal itself.

It was when he was allowed to be fully awake that the anguish of his memories, of losing Melena, pounded into him again. He'd been able to hide it very well during the years he had fought to stay alive as a runner. The hours on Sateda had shown his grief to be raw and alive and needing to be resolved.

There was only one person who could finally chase his past back where it belonged - Elizabeth. She was also the person who would be hurt when the duplicity of his silence came to light. In his perceived need to put his entire tragic past behind him over the last year, he had kept a certain part of himself from his new bonded mate.

The two precious days they had shared together on Delavan, away from everyone who knew them, had brought about their exchange of mating vows and a point of embarkation to a life together in the future. He had eagerly talked about his parents, his childhood and his early days in the Satedan military as if a floodgate had opened for him.

What he thought he'd lost forever during all those years as a runner had been returned when Elizabeth first declared her love for him a few short months ago. Her agreement to become his bonded mate made what he wanted most in life fully possible - a home with her and the children they could have together.

Only now, after the graphic reminders of what he'd lost when his home world fell, did he acknowledge how dishonest he'd been with Elizabeth. He had never told her anything beyond his parents' deaths. The story of how he'd met Melena at the hospital, a caring nurse who had done so much during his mother's final illness, and the two short years they had been together as mates before the Wraith came, was something he had simply left out.

He'd had many opportunities in the last weeks to tell Elizabeth about his first love, but he'd brushed the past away as no longer important to his life. The battle for his survival on Sateda had shown him he'd been living a lie since he'd come to Atlantis.

In the full darkness, he pounded his head against the wall. He closed his eyes and let the bitter tears come, the ones he had fought with so angrily in the ruins of the place where Melena had died. Intensified waves of physical and emotional anguish closed in around him. The nights of sleeping alone had added fresh misery to his battered spirit. He wanted and needed Elizabeth's warmth and love and comfort more than ever. His worst fear was that she would turn away from him once she knew the full truth of his past. She had accepted all of who he was with total trust. Would she understand his reasons for keeping silent about this one thing?

Ronon saw Elizabeth come out onto the tower balcony in the soft glow of the city's lights. When she sat quietly beside him, he was both relieved and apprehensive. Her words began slowly and he let them fill the painful void that had grown between them since Sateda. He used his practiced silence to begin sorting the words that were important and meaningful for him to communicate to her.

"I asked Carson if you were well enough to accompany me on a little shopping trip to Maneria." When Ronon didn't react, Elizabeth continued, "Along with his gun and sword, a true warrior needs his knives. Since you lost all yours, I want to replace them. It's my gift to celebrate your first anniversary here in Atlantis."

In a wistful, faraway voice, Ronon said, "I always knew the sharpening stone came from you."

"You never let on. Why?"

"A bad decision I want to correct now. Thank you for the gift."

"You're welcome." Elizabeth hesitated then kissed him lightly on the cheek. She felt his body stiffen. Her voice choking off a sob, she said, "I shouldn't have come. I'll leave you to your memories."

Ronon heard the grief-stricken catch in her throat. Was this how she'd cried for him through all those weeks she thought he was lost to her?

Before she could get up, he grabbed her arm, "No!" In a more controlled but still urgent voice he added, "I need to tell you something, Elizabeth. Something from my past."

Elizabeth felt the desperation in his voice as his hand tightened on her arm. Cautiously, she put her hand over his. When he didn't pull away, she gently increased her loving hold.

Summoning a courage far stronger than any he had required against the Wraith, he began his confession, "I was once mated to a Satedan woman. She died in the Wraith attack."

"Melena," Elizabeth's soft voice said into his barely perceptible breathing.

"Yes. How…?"

"During our early days as lovers, you often talked in your sleep. You spoke her name the most, so I knew she was someone very important to you."

"You never asked."

"It was part of the trust, my love."

In his surprise and relief, he tenderly caressed her cheek. "The two of you look nothing alike. What drew me to you is the same thing I loved in her, the deep caring here," and his hand covered her heart, his fingers splayed across the left side of her chest above her breast.

"I was a very different man then, before the Wraith. Both my parents were gone and I devoted all my time and energy to becoming the perfect soldier. She helped me balance the brash, regimented person I had become with her love. I never expected to find that kind of love again. When you took in that scarred warrior a year ago, your friendship would have been enough. Instead you chose to love me. It still amazes me that you do, Elizabeth."

"Ronon, I…"

"Let me finish, please." Attempting to subdue the still-raging visions, Ronon took a long, deep breath and poured out the remainder of his hurt, "The memories came so fast, I was pulled further and further away from my life with you. I was totally alone again, and I was prepared to die alone this time on Sateda. In a twisted way, I felt that I should have died with Melena all those years ago. Only when I remembered how courageous she was at the end did I realize she'd be very angry if I just gave up. She'd want me to have a life again. When Beckett killed the Wraith, I was grateful because it gave me the choice of living for you and the future we can make together."

In the thick darkness, Elizabeth heard the steadily decreasing shudders in her mate's voice as he spoke. She moved her body beside him, needing the physical closeness as much for herself as to ease his grief.

Feeling the familiar warmth against his side, Ronon leaned into Elizabeth. "When I could finally think straight after the pain and the drugs, all I felt was fear, that you wouldn't understand why I didn't tell you about Melena before we exchanged our vows. What's back there on Sateda is a past that doesn't exist anymore. I need to let it go and I need you to help me, Elizabeth. I was wrong not to trust _you,_ and I hope you'll forgive me." He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.

Happy tears in her eyes, Elizabeth laughed, "Funny thing about the future, it sometimes turns out differently than we expect." Her words rushed on before he could respond, "I was so distraught and frightened when I thought I'd lost you, I let certain things slide. Once you were home safe, I simply didn't care."

Confused and worried at the same time, Ronon asked, "What are you trying to say, Elizabeth?"

"We're going to have a baby. I know the timing isn't good…"

The joy that rushed through Ronon's mind and heart and body at his mate's precious news chased away the last grief of his past, making everything he'd suffered to stay alive this time worth all the agony. He pulled Elizabeth close with one arm, his mouth devouring hers passionately. His other hand covered her lower abdomen where the new life they created had been growing for several weeks. Still holding her to him, he ended the kiss, burying his mouth against her neck.

"I'm not legally your wife," she said breathlessly as Ronon's arms tightened around her even more.

He laughed heartily into her warm skin, "But you are, now more than ever."

Helping his pregnant mate to her feet, Ronon's arm slipped protectively around Elizabeth's waist.

Her head rested on his chest as they stood in the moving transporter.

When the doors to his quarters opened, he swept her up in his arms and carried her inside.


End file.
